What does it mean to be a military spouse? Lauren, Key Spouse for the 37th Bomb Squadron, says, “It’s just one of the hats you wear.”
As a military spouse there are challenges the two of you will face; these include moving, deployments and reintegration, on top of adjusting to everyday life.
Ellsworth Air Force Base offers resources and initiatives that have greatly improved community morale. The Airman & Family Readiness Center (AFRC) is available for all new spouses or families with answers to your questions. They are a “one-stop shop,” as flight chief for the AFRC Brandy puts it. Married for 20 years now, Brandy’s spouse is in the 28th Operations Support Squadron, and they just had their first baby. Life isn’t always kicks and giggles; military spouses have a lot of concerns, and having somewhere to go when questions arise is important. Information about education benefits, transitions, volunteer opportunities, and more can be found at the AFRC.
“The important thing is, every military couple is different. Brandy and her team provide individualized plans and resources for each spouse,” Second Lieutenant Dan says.
Do you need help creating a resume? Does your deployed spouse normally change the oil in your car? Is finance not your strong suit? AFRC can get you vouchers for an oil change, provide babysitting services, help you build a resume, assist with budgeting and more.
Their Give a Parents a Break and Key Spouse programs help alleviate some of the stress faced by families and couples. GPAB keeps families connected when they’re miles apart and gives parents some time to focus on themselves. A volunteer-based program, the goal of the Key Spouses is to help welcome new families and spouses by building and fostering support systems. Not only are they there to help when times are tough, but they provide aid during everyday life. You might even catch them helping shovel snow during the long winter.
They also run the Heart Link and Hearts Apart programs and work closely with Camp Rapid. Heart Link encourages spouses and couples to spend an evening at the wing commander’s house. On average, 60-80 Air Force spouses and couples attend each event, receiving briefs on what it’s like marrying into the military and informational packets to help you adjust.
Deployment The most difficult challenges you’ll face together occur during deployment and reintegration. Whether a short tour or a more extended deployment, the separation is very taxing. Communication can be difficult due to the time difference and your own work commitments.
Shauna has been married to her husband for nine years. Because she’d already served in the military herself, marrying her spouse, an active duty member of the 89th Attack Squadron, wasn’t as big a transition. That’s not to say they haven’t faced difficult tasks together. Shauna gave birth without her husband present. She was far from alone, though; a doula is available to assist throughout the birth process. They’re a great support system if you’re pregnant and your spouse is deployed.
Reintegration
Reintegration may seem insignificant, but it’s more difficult than couples think. It’s easy to develop a rhythm while your partner is absent. When they return from deployment and start disrupting that rhythm, anger and animosity can build up – especially if you let it simmer without communicating. Having just had their first child, Brandy said reintegration after solo parenting is its own unique challenge. Patience is key in this step of the relationship. Learning how to work together as a team again is difficult. Accepting that you’ve been living apart and each of you is used to having space is half the battle. Being patient while you each adjust and realizing that it might take time will help, Brandy advises.
Specific camps for reintegration are available, along with Military Family Life Counseling. During these camps you and your spouse will be available to get one-on-one support, briefings, and tools for the future. A basic marriage retreat forces you to refocus and share time together to work on yourselves and your marriage.
Relocating Moving is exciting but can be intimidating, especially if you have spent your entire life in one place. You have to start the process of home-making all over again. Meeting new people, making new friends, getting settled into a new neighborhood or even living on a base can all be overwhelming. “I’m excited for going and living somewhere new, but I’ve always had my family and my friends around me, so leaving them is kind of scary too,” says newlywed Janae. For she and her husband, a member of the 28th Force Support Squadron, the probability of moving soon is high.
Every base is what you make it. The Hearts Apart program focuses on getting people out of the house and off the base. “We don’t want our members to move on base and never leave. We want them to take advantage of the Black Hills,” Brandy says. The program helps you become familiar with the local area; in this case, encouraging you to explore the beautiful Black Hills.
If these resources don’t quite fit your needs, stop into the AFRC. They have a “mini book” of resources, Brandy jokes; these are always being updated and changed. Shauna says, “My husband and I come in quite frequently just to look at the pamphlets and look at what’s new.” Other resources to help you throughout any transitions are military.com and ellsworthafrc.org.
Published on Black Hills Bride.